Feeling a little blegh about some personal stuff lately. So here is whatever I dare type

I feel like I don't know how to talk to people anymore, I never initiate conversations on Telegram or Discord, even when I think about doing so for days, and I don't really have folks talking to me first very often either.

Had some idle thoughts about fursonas lately as well. I like Sugar, and Sugar was specifically designed to just tick all the checkboxes for an idealized personality, but now I'm finding myself thinking of a friend that designed a character with a body like their actual one to see if it would help them like their actual body more. Of course, in their case it was a VR chat model, but I was trying to think if there was some other species that I would pick for such a thing in general.

I've thought about this before when the friend first did and came up with Greedent but wasn't too big on it. They're large, but in a way presented as positive, but they also seem too cheerful IMO.

What I've come up with now is Lugia and I really like it a lot? Lugia is big, and in a way where they're bigger than most other pokemon/friends, but like, it's normal? There's no shame over always wishing to be smaller. I think they're capable of being seen as more serious and less bouncy, but you can very much have a goofy expression. They're not only ever serious. They get to be clumsy around smaller pokemon things are designed for and it's okay because that's just their size, you know?

Let's see what else.

Oh, falling into a TF2 trap again. After taking a hiatus for 2 months and doing a pretty good job about playing a reasonable amount for the past few months, I'm hitting uncomfortable territory again and will try to stick to another break of at least a week, ideally two. I have such a strange relationship with that game now. It is quite literally the thing I am most capable of. So it ends up being very difficult to pull away from. Basically, if I can just not play until the evening and have to stop for dinner, I can play a healthy amount no problem.

The trouble is when I just wrap up doing more work like an hour early and just turn ~2 hours into ~3, or worse, playing in the morning before I begin doing work knowing I have "time to kill". When I do that I rarely focus much on work, and end up playing a 2nd time in a single day.

It's kind of sad because I do genuinely love the game still, and I like running into neat people sometimes. I had an Oshawott and a Raichu on my team today and just said "pokemon team's got this" and we did stick together and actually had a lot of fun. Both of em added me on steam afterwards and it's the funniest friend list because the odds are we will never even play again let alone to to one another.

If u read this don't be afraid to say hi or click the little like button I added so I know these words are for more than me 5 years ago when I decide to read my old blogs again.